A great man

I have an exhausted body and spirit but a head full of thoughts. My husbands step dad passed away today and it was so suddenly unexpected that shock is slowly wearing off and the ache is settling in. My eyes glisten and swell with tears at the thought of the situation, everything about it: what my MIL is going through, what my own husband is feeling as he is not able to be here and comfort the ones he has been there for all his life, i know it breaks his heart being absent in this. And I especially ache for the loss of him. He was truly one of my very favorite people, his spunk, his quiet radiating love, his giving nature.
Something that really gets me, is every time i get a message from someone who's just learned of his passing, they all, without fail, say, "Let me know if you need anything" or "Is there anything I can do" And I am reminded every time of how fortunate I am to have the friends and family surrounding me. I wholeheartedly believe that every message i received was sincere to the depth of their heart as I would be to any one of them. I know i could take anyone of them up on their offer and ask for whatever was needed. Nothing is in need right now, we are in limbo at this point, waiting for arrangements to be made and for word from my husband overseas. He put in a red cross message so he'll be home earlier than expected, a blessing that is bittersweet. Selfishly I am thrilled that he is coming home early and wont have to return but i would not have wished such a tragedy on anyone, friend or foe.
One thing that breaks my heart is that my little girl will never grow up to know her Grampa Ralph. I was so looking forward to seeing their relationship blossom. The way the interact is such a joy to witness and I miss it already. I was JUST talking to Eric yesterday about making up a good grampa name for him because 'grampa' was just too boring for Ralph. He needed something more creative and a little bit sillier. I was hoping to get C to say Grandaddy and see what her version of the word would be and call him that. It might have sounded something like Gandy, or Dedee, i don't know but it would have been fun watching the two of them grow together. He was such a GREAT Grandfather.
I will be posting more about him over the next few days. Every encounter with Ralph was enjoyable and humorous. You can't help but have a smile on your face when around him, even if he was in a grumpy old man mood, he was so lovable. I miss him terribly and cannot wait to be with my family to celebrate his life and mourn his death.